Thursday, June 14, 2012

Week 1, 288 lbs.

Current photo of me at 288 lbs.
I've fought self esteem, weight and food issues since I was (at least) 12 years old.  As a result I've spent most of my adult years overweight and the older I get, the bigger I seem to get. For too long I've had an unhealthy relationship with myself and with food. 

Don't worry, this blog not going to be an online pity party or a place for me to spew all the pains of the past in public - A "Poor Me, I'm Fat" blog.  I have officially put the past where it belongs: in the past.  From here on out, I am moving forward and building a happy tomorrow out of the attitudes I am building today.

This week I walked into a doctor's office and stepped on the scale to discover I weigh 288 lbs!! I knew I was heavy, but not THAT heavy!!  No wonder my knees are killing me and I haven't had a good night's sleep in a gazillion years!  I'm pushing 300 lbs!  I am carrying around a whole extra person worth of weight!

I wanted to rage, cry, and blame someone else or something external for making me fat.  Finally I simmered down and got real.  I'm the only person responsible for my size.  I made the all the choices that made me obese and it's completely within my power to fix the problem.

Right then and there I signed up for the Ideal Protein program.  It is a medically-supervised weight loss program that promises not only great results but it promises to re-educate me about food, to teach me how to eat healthier. 

I also made a promise to myself after I signed up for the program.  It's time for me to be nicer to myself.  I am going to like and accept myself as I am, regardless of my weight. 

Does that mean I happily accept 288?  No.  This means that from now on I am going to stop beating up on myself and trying to see myself through someone else's viewpoint. I am a beautiful, divine child of God, regardless of my weight - but I deserve better than what I've allowed myself. This time, I am not trying to lose weight to make people like/accept me or to make me look good in a swim suit - it's not about how others see me. I am losing this weight because I love me, I want to take care of myself and I want to improve my health.

So far I've been on the program for three days and I feel good about my progress. Ideal Protein is a super-restrictive diet in phase I but I refuse to whine or complain about it. With the exception of the (disgusting) Crunchy Cereal packet I choked down on the first day's breakfast, the program's food is palatable and has kept me from getting hungry.  I also have plenty of energy to bike to and from work and am not exhausted when I get home at the end of the day.  The end will justify the means.  I am not depriving myself of treats by going on a diet - I am giving myself the gift of a healthier future.

For now, I am taking it one day at time and have had a successful three days.  I can't wait to read the scale next Monday and see what I've accomplished!


  1. Love your post and looking forward to reading about your journey through your blog.

  2. Awesome. I'm pulling for ya, and will be right there trying to get healthy at the same time

  3. Thank you, both of you. Your support means more to me than you can realize... and I am there for you, too!