|Current photo of me at 288 lbs.|
Don't worry, this blog not going to be an online pity party or a place for me to spew all the pains of the past in public - A "Poor Me, I'm Fat" blog. I have officially put the past where it belongs: in the past. From here on out, I am moving forward and building a happy tomorrow out of the attitudes I am building today.
This week I walked into a doctor's office and stepped on the scale to discover I weigh 288 lbs!! I knew I was heavy, but not THAT heavy!! No wonder my knees are killing me and I haven't had a good night's sleep in a gazillion years! I'm pushing 300 lbs! I am carrying around a whole extra person worth of weight!
I wanted to rage, cry, and blame someone else or something external for making me fat. Finally I simmered down and got real. I'm the only person responsible for my size. I made the all the choices that made me obese and it's completely within my power to fix the problem.
Right then and there I signed up for the Ideal Protein program. It is a medically-supervised weight loss program that promises not only great results but it promises to re-educate me about food, to teach me how to eat healthier.
I also made a promise to myself after I signed up for the program. It's time for me to be nicer to myself. I am going to like and accept myself as I am, regardless of my weight.
Does that mean I happily accept 288? No. This means that from now on I am going to stop beating up on myself and trying to see myself through someone else's viewpoint. I am a beautiful, divine child of God, regardless of my weight - but I deserve better than what I've allowed myself. This time, I am not trying to lose weight to make people like/accept me or to make me look good in a swim suit - it's not about how others see me. I am losing this weight because I love me, I want to take care of myself and I want to improve my health.
So far I've been on the program for three days and I feel good about my progress. Ideal Protein is a super-restrictive diet in phase I but I refuse to whine or complain about it. With the exception of the (disgusting) Crunchy Cereal packet I choked down on the first day's breakfast, the program's food is palatable and has kept me from getting hungry. I also have plenty of energy to bike to and from work and am not exhausted when I get home at the end of the day. The end will justify the means. I am not depriving myself of treats by going on a diet - I am giving myself the gift of a healthier future.
For now, I am taking it one day at time and have had a successful three days. I can't wait to read the scale next Monday and see what I've accomplished!