I have been so strong, so sure, so determined .... and this week I've been torpedoed!!
I got one of those Keurig coffee makers recently and it came with a selection of flavored and non-flavored coffees in cute little cups - a world of coffee lay before me! A couple of mornings ago I popped in a pod that said "cappucino" on the label.
It smelled divine and I drank deeply on the first taste.... and discovered a very syrupy drink! The stuff was full of sugar! Did I stop and pour the drink out? Of course not! I figured there couldn't be that much sugar in that little cup and I didn't want to waste the treat.
Well guess what! That little cup of cappucino had enough sugar in it to start some nasty cravings. (I checked the nutritional information on the web and was astounded at what all was packed into that thing - tons of sugar and carbs!) The beast I thought had been conquered raised its ugly head and all I could think of was snacking on sweet stuff. I was fighting a binge!
I got to work and a volunteer had brought in some Christmas cookies as a treat. Christmas cookies are a serious weakness to begin with. When I was a kid my mom was a wizard when it came to making cookies, especially around Christmas time. I always looked forward to Christmas when I was a kid, especially when it came to mom's delicious, artistic culinary creations.
I found myself responding to those cookies at work on an emotional level.... and since I was already craving sweets, I crumbled (like a cookie) and ate two.
Ever since then I've been having a heck of a time staying on track. I just want sweet stuff! In the past when I've gone "off program" I've still been very careful about my sugar intake. Something just told me that with my family history of diabetes, I should avoid anything with a high sugar or carb count. Apparently my body chemistry doesn't do well when it comes to sugar. When it gets a little it wants more, and more and MORE!!
I think about my beautiful, wonderful grandmother, who had adult onset diabetes and how we discovered a fridge full of sugary stuff after she'd had a crippling stroke. She knew how dangerous sugar was to a diabetic, but yet her fridge and pantry were full of sugar. Did she fight these horrible cravings, too? This unfortunate body chemistry is probably the driving force behind the eating issues I fought in high school.
The old Lanza would have been defeated by this set-back, might have even given up completely on the diet in favor of a good ol' self-pitying binge! The Lanza that exists today was able to step outside of the situation and observe the episode objectively and learn from it.
I now know my weakness. After being off sugar for so long it's interesting to see how my body has reacted after getting a hefty dose of it. I can turn this weakness around and empower myself to avoid these horrible cravings going forward.
My life as it is right now is so much richer, happier and more fulfilling than any cookie or sweet drink ever made me feel in the past. I don't want to go back to the old way of living.
I am in control of my life and health - I take responsibility for who I am and what I eat. I am stronger than any craving. I understand my weakness as never before and am developing strategies in avoiding a similar pitfall in the future. There is no point in beating myself up or giving into guilt over this episode. It was an opportunity to learn and grow.
It was also a wakeup call - I don't have any more excuses when it comes to sugar. I HAVE to avoid the stuff as much as possible for the rest of my life.
Today is a new day. I am back 100% on Ideal Protein. I'm pretty sure I'll see an increase in my fat ratio when I weigh in on Monday and I won't be happy about losing ground - but I'll know the reason why it happened and won't repeat that mistake.