|A photo my friend Susi took of me after our rainy-day|
bike ride on Saturday before work! I got MUDDY!!
I can't explain how much I need - NEED - this trip! After being a care giver to a very sick husband (who is FINALLY getting back to his old, wonderful self), moving into a new house and dealing with several busy months at work, I am so ready to get away and do something JUST FOR ME!
Throughout most of my life I've checked everyone else's schedules to make sure it was a good time to go, picked a destination close to relatives, or did something someone else wanted to do when I took time off.
In my 20s and early 30s, I never even took the time for vacation, putting my 9 to 5 job above my own needs. I occasionally took a long weekend to go visit a friend in another town or attend a renaissance faire, but I never took a full week off just to go do something fun, away from home - take a "real" vacation. Even now, I have rarely taken a full week off of work because everyone is so "dependent on me" and I didn't want to inconvenience anyone with my absence. (Trust me, nobody is THAT important in the work place!)
And the funny thing about all this is that throughout my entire life I've dreamt of travelling to other countries! I even have a passport I've never used! I always put the needs and wishes of others above my own. Even funnier is that the people in my life (most of them, anyway) didn't put those restrictions on me - I did it to myself!
I am not getting any younger. What the heck am I waiting for?
Signing up for a bike tour in another state that will keep me away from work for more than a week is completely out of character for me. Going completely by myself is something new, too. This trip is a right of passage for me, a symbol of the different way I'm looking at myself.
I am worth the time and expense of a real, honest to God vacation that *I* want to take!
The needs of the people around me are still important. I still enjoy taking a fun trip with my husband and when he's back to feeling more like himself, we'll be going on adventures together. But I am going to make darn sure from this day forward that our trips are more fun and less obligated to stopping off and visiting family and friends (unless that's what we want to do!)
But right now, at this moment in my life I need to be on my own. "Alone time" and "privacy" are two things I don't have much of in my day to day life. And for the last several months I've been in crisis mode, my life has completely belonged to others. My husband needed me, and I was happy to be there for him. I saw caring for him as a very real expression of my love for him, it was an honor to help him and be there for him.
I also had to deal with a lot of other crazy stuff during that time from people in my life who were trying to help but ended up creating a lot of irritation and stress in the process. (Don't EVER tell someone how they should feel when they're facing a crisis and when someone says "no" when you offer help, don't bully them into changing their answer, they said no for a reason.)
I think the universe knew I would need this "me time" away from everything when I signed up for the bicycle tour a few weeks before my husband's cancer diagnosis. Throughout the treatments and illness, I kept wondering if I should cancel the trip but something kept me from doing it. Now that my husband is getting back to normal and able to do things on his own again, I know that there's no better time than now to get away and decompress. This trip is exactly the balm my soul needs.
As for the weight, I'm still in the 35% body fat range, but it has dropped a few decimal points (I've been rounding the percentage to the closest number). My weight went up, which tells me all the training I've been doing is building muscle. Everything is headed in the right direction!!