In the midst of chaos, I've been able to maintain. The number above may be higher than the last one I recorded, but it's only a few fractions of a pound that I'm up (I round up the decimals on the scale). Considering the fact that I've been taking my husband to more doctor appointments than I'd care to count and that I'm not always around diet-friendly food, I think I'm doing pretty well.
The style show in which I'll be modeling will be next Tuesday. (Imagine! Me! A Model!!) After that I can decide if this is where I want to stay with my weight or if I want to reduce further. In all honesty, I don't think I'm "there" yet. I LOVE being a size 12 and love the cute clothes in my closet, which is why I think I've held fast at this size for several months, even when I've been trying to lose. However, my fat ratio is too close to "borderline" for comfort.
I'm going on longer bike rides on the weekends, with an average moving speed around 15 mph (top speed is 27 mph and climbing), so I don't think it will be long before I see a fat ratio that makes me happy. Considering what I was able to do a little over a year ago, this is an outright miracle.
I feel so good. I feel powerful, strong and kind of cute! A little over a year ago I was depressed, crippled and feeling ugly. I have come so far - lightyears - from who I used to be. I need to keep that in mind when life starts getting rough.
I need to remember what got me here. The most powerful tools I've had in my arsenal are my willingness to change, an open mind and a positive attitude. I didn't get here by whining about being on a diet. I didn't get here by complaining about the foods I had to eat or the fact that my lifestyle had to change. I got here by loving myself enough to change the way I look at myself. I got here by loving myself enough to change bad habits that were slowly killing me.
I need to remember that I can do anything - survive any circumstance - because I am a strong, beautiful child of God. And so are you.
I overheard someone talk about deprivation recently. Deprivation isn't a diet. A diet is just a tool, something you choose to do. I'll tell you what deprivation is.
Deprivation is not being able to walk because you are too fat for your own knees.
Deprivation is hiding from the world because you hate the way you look.
Deprivation is spending your life wishing you looked or felt differently.
Deprivation is wasting your life in front of a television or computer screen because you are too weak/sick to engage with other living creatures.
Deprivation is being excluded from activities because people think you are too fat to join in.
Deprivation is the embarrassment you feel when you see someone who knew you "back when" and you're now a size 26.
DEPRIVATION WAS THE 16 FREAKING YEARS I LOST WHILE I WAS LIVING IN AN OBESE BODY!!
These are all things that deprived ME of living a happy, healthy life.
You are worth so much more than a life of deprivation. You are worth this effort. Getting healthy is a gift you're giving yourself, it is not a punishment. This diet is only a short season in the grand scheme of your life. YOU CAN DO THIS! Believe me, when you get to where I am standing right now, you will know that what I am speaking is the truth.
Don't torpedo your efforts before you even get started by complaining and making you and those around you miserable. You have a choice. You can get off the diet and embrace the size you are now. You can find a diet or health routine that fits into your lifestyle better than the one you've chosen. OR you can put on your big girl panties, stop grumbling and get on with it.
The power is completely and totally yours.