Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Living well.....

...really is the best revenge!  And if you're really living well, revenge isn't so important and you see those who've "wronged" you in a differnt light!  This past weekend I went to the Scarborough Renaissance Festival in Waxahachie, Texas.  I used to attend this festival every year when I was younger - you might have even called me a fixture back in the day.

My new costume!
After getting married and landing a job that required me to work on Saturdays, I wasn't able to attend renaissance festivals the way I used to.  Last weekend was my first time back in seven or eight years.  It was wonderful reconnecting with friends, taking in the sights and smells, watching favorite performers and just having a good time.

I blogged a few weeks ago about a former friend of mine, who is on cast at this faire.  She was the last in a long line of Diva (with a capital D) friends who "allowed" me to be their friend because my round shape and awkwardness made them feel better about themselves.

Not only did this friend put me down on a regular basis, mostly about the shape of my body and the way it fit into clothes (never mind that she outweighed me by at least 50 lbs.), she also said and did a lot of things to create unwelcome drama into my life.  She pitted friends against each other, threw fits when things didn't go her way, etc.  When I told her I'd had enough and hoped we could find a way to have a healthier relationship, she shut me out of her life completely and told everyone who would listen that I was a viscious back-stabber.  It hurt for a while and the hurt gave way to anger and then eventually I realized how happier I was without her soul-sucking energy in my life.

Our paths crossed this weekend.  I called out a hello to her and she looked at me and my husband and asked "Do I know you people?"  I grinned and said, "Yeah, you know me."  After a couple of short moments studying my face her own face registered shock and then she glanced down at my super tiny waist and even more shock crossed her face.   She kept looking at my waist like she was trying to figure out where I was hiding the rest of me - like I was pulling a clever trick to hide my fat.

She made a couple of her trademark passive-aggressive statements but was mostly friendly.  I think the element of surprise and the presence of witnesses forced her to be more civil than she would have been otherwise.

I realized several things about myself while talking to this former friend:  While she has remained firmly in her miserable state of mind, I have moved on.  It really wasn't a moment of revenge, it was a realization that I am a lot stronger emotionally than I used to be and she can't hurt me anymore. The fact that she smears my name whenever she gets a chance doesn't matter anymore, either.  In many ways, I have a lot of empathy and pity for her and know she's doing the best she can to walk her path with the tools life gave her.  I wish her well and I wish her healing.... but that doesn't mean we're going to be pals again.

I am so thankful that I no longer attract Diva friends into my life!  I don't think it's the weight loss that made the difference, though.  I think it's the hard work I put into changing my mind about myself and who I am that made me able to "face the dragon" this weekend with a smile on my face. I've grown up a lot in the last few years!

An old costume photo of me.
Other wonderful things from this weekend:  For the first time in my life I feel like I look good - no, make that fantastic - in my renaissance garb.  In the past I'd get a new costume and feel good about it until I saw the photos from the weekend.  The mental image of how I looked never meshed with reality.  One of the first things I did when I went through the front gate was made a beeline for my favorite clothing booths and bought a new outfit. When I saw the pictures from this weekend I had to smile - my waist REALLY IS that small!

My knees and feet made it though two days of exploring the large faire without pain and I had plenty of energy to put up with the 95 degree days in full costume!

My head is small enough to wear my grandmother's straw hat.  The hat is about 100 years old and my husband thought I was crazy for wearing it. But it's in like-new condition and should be worn!  My head has always been too big for that hat and apparently I've lost a few hat sizes along with the dress sizes!  My grandmother was someone who always loved me, unconditionally and I felt like I had her with me at the faire.  The hat was also the perfect touch to finish the look I was going for with the new costume.

I think I was able to inspire someone else, someone I didn't have a chance to meet, to try the diet.  When I told the man who sold me my super cool new leather belt about all the weight I lost and that I needed to put several notches in the belt because I have several more lbs. to go, he started to ask me about what I did to drop 120 lbs and took my information and blog address.  His wife, who is close to my age, is currently in a weight struggle and is asking a lot of the same questions I asked when I decided to get healthy. 

The most powerful experience from this diet is that I've been able to give hope to people who might have otherwise given up.  I'm paying the inspiration I've drawn from others forward and it makes me a very happy soul.

Anyway, my weigh-in will be on Wednesday!   More soon!

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