Week 34, 182 lbs

A photo of me today

I'm back on track!!  While I am only down a pound, my fat ratio dropped several points during the past week!  I am only three percentage points away from being in the "acceptable" level on my fat ratio!  I can't complain about that!

My body shape has shifted again, and the slender wasp waist I had forgotten I had when I was younger has reappeared! I can almost get into some vintage (40s, 50s and 60s era) dresses my grandmother used to wear! 

I have been carrying those dresses around, wishing that I could someday wear them but I've never been able to squeeze into them.  I tried one on last night before bed and while it was snug, all the buttons up the front closed and didn't gap.  A few inches off my tummy, and they'll be a perfect fit!!

Me at my peak weight,
well over 300 lbs.

At the risk of sounding new-agey and weird, I am going to share something pretty personal:  After my last blog post I had a dream that helped me sort out all the crap that was going on in my head. 

In this dream, my former friend (the one I encountered last week) sent me a care package from far-away.  In the dream, I pulled out an old, dirty boot, an embroidered pillow case that was covered in stains, a water bottle full of dirty water and a lot of other stuff.  As I pulled these items out of the box, I showed them around to the friends who were with me in the room and reacted to them as if they were objects to be treasured, marvelling at each one and telling everybody how nice my "friend" was to send me these objects.

I realized when I woke up what the message was in the dream.  My "friend" was sending me old, worn out crap and I was accepting that crap as if it had value!  I internalized it, used it to dredge up old feelings from the past and let it take my focus off the truth of now.  How silly of me!

It amazes me how easily I fell into an old relationship dynamic and let it distract me from what I've been able to accompish.  Thanks to my new mind-set and an amazing diet, I have been able to shrug off the weight and pain I've been carrying around with me for far too long.  I look and feel younger than I have in years.  This is so much bigger, more amazing than anything an old "friend" could possibly say about me.  The power is mine, not hers.  I need to remember that.

For the first time ever I biked to church on Sunday and it was a beautiful ride!  It felt good to get the body moving, get outdoors and rediscover a section of town I don't normally see from a bike rider's perspective.  I felt so strong and empowered after that ride - it is something I wouldn't have been able to do back in June.

Tonight I am going to see Diana Ross in concert ... after a long, active day at work!!

The fact that I would even consider going out on a "work night" after a big event at work shows how far I've come!  In the past I would have turned down the opportunity to see a legend in concert because I didn't have any energy to spare after a full day of working!  I would have rather napped in my recliner than go on an adventure!

Today I biked to work, there's an event at the center that will keep me here after hours, and then afterwards I am going to drive to San Antonio to take in the concert!!  Freaking unbelievable!! 

The miracles just keep happening!