Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Week 33, 183 lbs.

My neice Scarlett and me at
the San Antonio Riverwalk this
weekend.  Not a great picture - my
expression is weird and my jeans
were too big, but so much better
than any of my old fat pics!
This has been a week of ups and downs... and as you can see, my weight went up for the first time in ages.... but it's not dragging down my spirits. 

Old mental garbage in the form of a person I hadn't seen in years resurfaced this week.  A lot of feelings that I thought I had shrugged off came back to the surface and it kicked off some nasty binge and sneak eating.  I also had a special meal with family at a restaurant that didn't have any Ideal Protein-friendly menu items and indulged in appetizers along with my meal.

Instead of letting this derail my progress I am facing the issue head-on, taking a good look at the behavior and not caving into guilt or self-defeating behaviors.  Two pounds is not a huge gain and it won't take me long to take it back off.  It's more important for me to figure out what's going on in my head, move past the episode and get on with the task of getting my fat ratio down to a healthy number.

I enjoyed the meal with the family and don't regret the things I ate that night.  It was a special night with special people and on any other diet week, it wouldn't have set me back.  What hurt me was the self-destructive behavior I allowed myself to get into.

I've come so far and have grown up so much over the last few months, that I am not going to let old behaviors that are based on old emotional hurts keep me down for long.  I need to remember to be kind to myself, love myself for who I am and keep the past where it belongs - in the past!!  I also need to remember that the opinions of others are just opinions. Another person's opinion of me is none of my business, they're rarely based in truth and they do not define me.

Instead of beating myself up for bad choices, I treated myself to a haircut this afternoon.  It perked me up and I am back on the program 100% - I'm ready to make some real progress and get on with my life!

There have been some celebrations this week, and I choose to focus on those from here on out.  I have reached the milestone of getting too small for my undies!  I've lost weight in the past but never to the point where I had to get new undies because the current ones were falling off me!  The size I am wearing now is three sizes smaller than what I was wearing when I started Ideal Protein.

While I was shopping for undies I got new shirts, all in either large or medium, and two new pair of pants, size 14.  It was amazing to me how loose the 14s fit.  I did a small happy dance in the fitting room when I realized I  could get into and zip up a size 12.  The 12s were so tight they bordered on obscene, so they stayed in the store.  I'll be wearing those 12s in no time, though! I can't help but wonder what size I will be when I reach the end of this journey. 

I also treated myself to two sweet little night gowns to replace the old, baggy, worn out pajama pants I've been wearing around the house.  The retirement of the old pajama pants is a sure sign I've turned over a new leaf - and I think my husband was ready to see those horrors leave my wardrobe!  He did say something really nice when he saw me in the new night gear!
Compliments go a long, long way and I doubt I'll get tired of hearing them.  Not only is my husband saying nice things about the way I look, I am getting a lot of compliments from friends and business acquaintances on my new size. The compliments had died down for a while and the only thing I can figure is that I am wearing clothes that fit me again and the changes in my size are more evident now that I am wearing the correct size.

So until next week, I'm fighting the good fight and reigning triumphant over the boogeymen!

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